I hear that the punch served at that party over there is really good, go get me some, and your drinks are free. What's the worst part about time traveling jokes? Click here for more information. People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders. #NationalTellAJokeDay What's the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? Then at the prom he goes to get some punch. I submitted 10 puns to a joke-writing competition to see if any of them made the finals. A standard British one is "You couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery." As my mate's best man, I tried to set up a brewery visit for his stag weekend. 58. No, hes my biological dog. Why did Adele cross the road? A lip reader. 105 pun-based jokes that will make you laugh - and cringe "A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. One-liners I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places - he told me to stop going to those places. The doctor told his patient to stop using a cotton bud, but it just went in one ear and out the other. I'll let you know. Two fish are in a tank. What is green and goes to a summer camp? How anyone As he would have wanted, there is no punchline. 17 of Ken Dodds most ingeniously funny jokes "That means a lot.". 12 quickly called 3 to find out what the root of 7's attack on 9. 15. @NPR Why does a chicken coop always have two doors? A man walked into a zoo. 16. Couldn't pour piss out of a boot if you wrote the instructions on the heel. Suddenly the sky begins to darken and a million ducks envelop the golfers. He didn't think much of it until a week later, driving by the same farm, the pig had two wooden legs. I bad to punch the mall Santa in the face What does your monitor tell you when you punch it for losing a game? Jail-birds! That's right we rounded up the most ridiculously stupid jokes that the internet had to offer, thanks to Reddit and Twitter. I used to be addicted to soap. Whats yellow and smells like bananas? Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke. a joke?" Nows when you ask: wheres the punchline? Check out these short jokes for kids anyone can memorize. Have you ever smelled moth balls before? How do you know if your friend is a bad comedian? (I'm sorry, it was just so easy!). ones a crusty bus station and ones a busty crustacean. They were a small medium at large. I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldnt hack it, so they gave me the axe. The bartender says "If you want punch, you'll have to wait in line like everyone else." right after the first punchline). Its from Uncle Ben. No, hes my biological dog. 81.21 % / 658 votes. Why do fungi have to pay double bus fares? Me: She missed her native tongue. When you land a punch line, jump on it with two feet. 1. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. One drew a line in the sand and told the other, If you cross this line, Ill punch you in the face.. My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo. Sarcasm is when you say one thing, but you mean the opposite. He pasta-way. So here goes. Because they have hallow weenies. 50 of Jimmy Carrs funniest jokes and one-liners Build a man a fire and hell be warm for a day. You might not believe me, but I saw it with my own eyes. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. No witty punchline or anything like that. What did the lettuce say to the celery? 11. A book just fell on my head. Always borrow money from a pessimist. 57. Funny can be good: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild? 10. In this day and age with less and less being aimed towards family viewing, you can always count on a good dad joke for family fun. Chuck Norris is so powerful at stand up comedy Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Well, to be Frank with you, Id have to change my name. When she is asked how many people are in the building she replies, "Well, if one person enters the house it'll be empty.". What's the difference between the G-spot and a golf ball? It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do. 44. They don't want to risk him perceiving the "punchline" as a threat! Well, the flag is a big plus. "Rabbi, I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive Bar Mitzvah and it cost me a . I had to put my foot down. I told my friend dis cause we had a cus match and she said: "Yo momma so fat when she steps on the scales my phone number comes up" I said "Yo momma so fat that when she steps on scales it says to be continued." His wife asked me if I could say a quick word. I failed math so many times at school, I cant even count. Check out the funniest jokes on the internet. 15. What has four wheels and flies? Dont forget to check out these dinosaur jokes for more laughs! I'm looking for a third joke with a punchline that appears to be, but isn't, feces related. 1/27/2023. 69. This reminds me of a long joke (about 10-15 minutes long) that ends with no punchline. These hilarious animal cartoons prove that animals are funnier than humans. Its 90 degrees. Where do you take someone whos been injured in a peek, A person is walking down the street and hears a bunch of people in a fenced-in yard shouting, 19. Because he saw the salad dressing! How do you take the punch from a punch line? After hearing it, I thought it had all the ingredients of a great joke: child abuse; incestual rape, tears, poverty and suffering; but I didn't understand the punchline. Why couldnt the toilet paper cross the road? That would be a big step forward." "Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?" "In case they get a hole in one!" "Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. They're great for separating independent Clauses. when they finish with him, they take the brit to the room, who lasts 12 hours. 11. Act now and for just $49.99 you too can experience the intensity and originality of this punchline! "Ouch." The magic of anti-jokes is that you're expecting a clever or punny punch line, but instead, the punch line is as anti-climactic and literal as possible. If this isn't the right place for this, kindly redirect me. They said, Thank you. Isaid, Dont mention it.. Make me one with everything. My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead. It would probably be a lot funnier if there was a punch line. Theyre normally around 90 degrees. 20 grammar jokes every word nerd will appreciate, 21 more anti-jokes you cant help but laugh at, groan-worthy dad jokes youll still laugh at. What did O say to Q? The punchline? Opener: My wife and I have decided not to have kids. It's always just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away. 16. When the cannibal showed up late to the buffet, they gave him the cold shoulder. Now I cant tell if its 2B or not 2B. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible. Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. Rick Astley will let you borrow any DVD from his Pixar collection, apart from one. 20 of The Young Ones most gloriously silly quotes I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. The punchline has been left as an exercise for the reader. Then it's a soap opera." "What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in . It went back four seconds! 48. 19. After a moment of searching throughout the bar, the man realised there was no punchline. They have no money, so the bartender makes a deal with them: If a parsley farmer gets sued, can they garnish his wages? There is no punchline. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean punchline ha ha dad jokes. Take it to the doc. 73. The monk replies: 41. Explanation: Gathering dust (and other dirt) is a vacuum cleaner's sole purpose. A garbage truck. 134 Likes, 22 Comments - Aidan (@diazaidanw) on Instagram: "From killer hoco proposal, to killer hoco outfits . My spy boyfriend had a punch machine accident. you should get them in a couple of days. VOTE You Run For Twinkies Joke: I haven't seen anyone run that fast since Twinkies went on sale. And a slice of lemon. Please help me finish my pseudo-poop dad joke trifecta. 26. I bought the worlds worst thesaurus yesterday. Sounds easy but the process is painstaking. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? What do you call a sheep with 3 legs? Well, yeah, the guy replies there was no punchline. I just made this one up. Doctor: Sir, Im afraid your DNA is backwards. Me: And?. What do you call a fake noodle? The reception was brilliant. These insanely stupid jokes from Ask Reddit will give you belly laughs. 24. According to the latest search data available to us, dark jokes are searched for nearly 110,000 times per month. You sew a bunch of holes together. The bartender looks up and says, "well aren't you miss informed. Check out these relatable tweets for more laughs. 65. Its butt. Sorry, not sorry (but really, sorry). Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. You cant run through a camp site. The lepers hockey game was cancelled due to a face off in the corner. Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coluoring. A cant opener! A stick. Because he had lost his map. She couldnt control her pupils. 43. 78. Pun: I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. An original joke for you as thanks: Im taking part in a stair climbing competition. Two wifi engineers got married. 1. This is objectively funny, like these 9 jokes that are proven funny by research. 86. Because they can't keep a straight face. Check out Really Funny Lawyer Jokes. The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but its still on the list. An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. You can't see the elephant, can you! With an itheberg. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. 19! There was nothing left but de Brie. I asked my French friend if she likes to play video games. If you're a sucker for a good bad joke, you're in luck. I used to be afraid of hurdles but then I got over it. Sorry. I dont suffer from insanityI enjoy every minute of it. Well see about that. I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex. 79. I bought the worlds worst thesaurus today. "Lord," he prays, "I can't stand this. Ah, bad jokes. What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it? So men can remember them. What day of the week are chickens afraid of? 3. 18. 81. I need to stop drinking so much milk. Seller says the volume is stuck on high. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then it hit me. MadisonPearGarden 5 days ago. A termite walks into the bar and asks, Is the bar tender here?. The salad bar. 10. 34. 6. You heard the rumor going around about butter? This punchline is not available in your country. 3 spies, a french one, a british one, and an italian one, are captured by al-qaeda. The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran now. A termite walks into a bar and asks: Wheres the bar tender?. 25 of the most textbook Alan Partridge quotes Why couldn't the chicken find her eggs? May 11, 2022 Funny One Liners Nothing gets a good laugh better than a well-placed one-linerand we could all use a little laughter during trying times. Down for stealing a calendar that's bad luck. If you have more of a twisted sense of humor, these dark jokes are for you. Theme Song Shorts Season 1 Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5 Season 6 Spin-offs Films Books Miscellaneous Pranks: There was one dog. They each got six months. I told him to be himself; that was pretty mean, I guess. A little bit of French. But Cats can. 63. if i was an orphan i'd fight back nobody's gonna punch me and get away with it thats not how i role homie! Here are more groan-worthy dad jokes youll still laugh at. Then it hit me. 82. They were identifying their friends body I believe. 2. I knew I had, but I couldn't remember the punchline, so I asked him to tell it again. Why do you never see pigs hiding in trees? Punchline: It's a small world. Hey, you cant leave that lyin there! The bartender yells out. I once had a teacher with a lazy eye. '90!' replies the woman. A bulldozer. The other guy shouts, You are on the other side!. I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society. What do Winnie the Pooh and Alexander the Great have in common? I'm sorry, your connection has timed out Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke? Two cheese trucks ran into each other. Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon. Getting home then realising they didnt give you one of the containers riceless. I can change.. I dont trust staircases. As he died, he kept insisting for us to be positive, but its hard without him. When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic. If I hada pennefor every time I asked myself this question. couldn't punch (one's) way out of a paper bag he, she, etc. 80. I lined up everybody I ever wanted to punch in the face. But now I'm clean. Heneverlands. And the cop says, "Because this is the punchline.". What do we want? 64. Leeks! Why did the soldier go to the beach?He was caught in a sand-off and came back shell-shocked. It was a Shih Tzu. 13. Why was the caribou wearing a disguise? Theres a room with two tables and ten people. Must be some kind of milestone. Whats the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? This article contains content fromTabatha Leggett, Mike Spohr, Dave Stopera, Crystal Ro, Jessica Misener, Allie Hayes, and Jamie Jones. so Im going to start taking steps to avoid them. My math teacher called me average. "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?" You want to go down to the bar to hear that band called Duvet? He says, Uno, dos and poof! He wanted to remain anonymoose. I used to be good a telling jokes, but now I just punch up the fuck line. '. Guy walks up to the widow at her husbands funeral and says, May I just say one word?, The widow says, Thanks. Whats a frogs favorite type of shoes? 11. Because they kilt the last man who called it a skirt! [4] "Just remember, I'm a unique individual. The ceremony wasnt great, but the reception was amazing. The details are sketchy. I only have my shelf to blame though. European. Its that no one runs in your family. Because she mislaid them. I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work. If you dont pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed? . Thats the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap. One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter. He counted, Uno, dos and disappeared without a tres. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Impeckable . I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. Note the difference between this and the variations on: He couldn't find his buttocks with both hands, a roadmap, and a flashlight. 27 of Sarah Millicans laugh out loud jokes We recommend our users to update the browser. Because he could not see that well. The retired guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over. If Russians pronounce Bs as Vs then Soviet. Those who can count and those who cant. One table has soup, and the other table has a punch bowl. If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard. What do you call a pile of kittens? When I went in for it he punched the counter top and shouted counter attack!. 72. He wanted to name each one Anna. Our server let us know what he recommended. Back on the phone, the guy says OK, now what?, 8. Something bad is about to happen I can feel it. The bouncer says, "You can't come in here with a dog." Just got fired from my job as a set designer. The girl asks, "Why not?" Same middle name. The man who invented knock-knock jokes should get a no bell prize. But they were fully booked. 99. 22. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. The guy lied. 19! Business was up and down. I asked my wife for a leather punch for my birthday. You wont want to miss these 20 hilarious science jokes. 40. I told them, "Just you wait!". The doctor says Im OK, but I feel like Ive dyed a little inside. 56. I dont know and I dont care. 48. You should've seen her face when I drove pasta. The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally. What is Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? A mathematician sees three people go into a building. I have absolutely no idea so if anyone can think of a punchline for this please help me. People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! What do you call a great chicken? That means a lot., 9. Done! One liner tags: fighting, life, sarcastic. 91. Something about $10 a month How can you be sure that a comedian has traveled back in time? But I just can't throw the old one away. "Yes, we arson.". Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. How do you think the unthinkable? RELATED: These College Supplies Are So Genius, You May Just Want Them For Yourself My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo. 25. I love my legs because they always stand up for me. 87. I dont play soccer football because I enjoy the sport. Remains to be seen. What did the horse say when he fell? Otherwise, your student loans might reduce you to tears. You can explore punchline comedy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Ketchup! A brick layer . 22. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. For drizzle. Here are 21 more anti-jokes you cant help but laugh at. Pictures From History / Pictures From History/Universal Images Group via Getty Images. She seemed surprised. Still went to work. Why are there so many different kinds of pasta? What do you call a deaf gynecologist? One day he asked a mother if he's been mislead by the jokes. What do you call it when someone puts the punchline to a joke in the title? The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself, This changes everything.. A short psychic broke out of jail. Her: (Shakes her head no) The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society. Why do ducks have feathers? Meanwhile, 7's scheming was not yet done. You'll also like: 37 Hilarious COVID-19 Pick-Up Lines 99+ Funny Zoom Virtual Backgrounds to Download Could fuck up a two car funeral. Im not much of a boxer, but Ill wrestle you for it. Because someone told him to get a long little doggie. Great minds think alike), [This punchline is locked. Here are some hilarious boat jokes to make you laugh! Only thing is we were on a time crunch and I just said the first thing that came to mind which was: Whats the best thing about Switzerland? . 33. My friend was explaining electricity to me, but I was like, Watt?.