I hate myself for loving him so much! Threatening me, throwing her belongings and hitting her. Start by telling them how you feel. Alimony is court-ordered support paid by one spouse to the other for a period of time Right now I am having fun not feeding his bs. The silent treatments or disappearances for days on end? It's almost certainly irreparably broken, as there's not much to salvage after a breakdown in communication. Narcissistic abuse is one of the worse types of psychological abuse that one person can do to another, but unfortunately, many people are stuck in these types of relationships. Click To Tweet. Giving in to them might cause us to create situations that would make things worse for ourselves and play right into the hands of the narcissist. If they do, they can use what youve done to play the victim to others, and because it was premeditated and intentional, now it is arguably justifiable. It can also cause the more fragile ones to realize you aren't such an easy target, and they may back down and start attacking someone else instead. Not only does it not have the intended effect, we just have more fallout to deal with because we are the ones who end up hurt by it when the narcissist responds to what we did, and it just keeps us engaged with them longer. They stole your love and trust. In order for something to be viewed as revenge, someone has to understand that they did something to warrant revenge in the first place. I got revenge on my ex, he had fraudulently changed his title of his name to Dr Claiming that he has a honorary PhD from a University, which was indeed a lie and he has no evidence to prove it. Losing. The tactics mentioned above feel tempting after youve experienced months or even years of psychological abuse. 5. Im so determined and I think that tapping into humor just might be the way!!!! When you explain your feelings, youre not helping the narcissist to see your point of view theyre not capable of that. We are all here to get you through when those moments pass and help motivate you to leave when you are ready. Its that they move on so quickly, completely unscathed by a relationship that left us in emotional tatters. I also destroyed her career in nursery which I made possible for her in the first place. So yea, HIPAA is real. What happened to us will never go away, it just means we wont be controlled by it anymore. And I also know the best thing to do is to be the BIGGER AND BETTER PERSON. Or cock your head and squint as if what was said did not make any sense. And when we lose who we are (our true self) that is when they take full control over who we are. But you know the truth. . The Narcissists Love Destruction: How To Hurt a Narcissist. They need others to feed on; otherwise, they will shrivel up like the vermin they are. I gave him what he gave me. So without further ado, let's take a look at 10 things that can drive a narcissist insane. They may say "you'll be lost without me," or "you'll never find someone like me." Its feels good to get it out! They had known he was ill, but his death was sudden, surprising everyone. You could even feel relief knowing maybe they wouldnt do this to anyone else. They might say they feel sorry or ashamed for their actions, but only because theyve learned that contrition is an effective method for getting what they want. You may want to look up some articles on this to see how other people have gone about doing it. A narcissistic parent doesn't love you, and simply sees you as an accident that sometimes serves as a useful tool to give them leverage in life. 4. Ive exposed what I can to her and she is onto him anyways. Don't minimize their outrageous behavior. So I made an anonymous tip off to his school where he teachers that his is fraudulent and dishonest. That means the world to me. Tell it to all the people who ask about what happened. Cheating on you or triangulating you with other love interests? No one is likely to believe you and even if they do, the narcissist will soon smooth everything over. My head was spinning to trying to understand what was really going on. I exposed it knowing people would see. The guild you bare from where there is no escape. In this case, however, youre sinking to their level intentionally to get a reaction, not just because youve been provoked. Write in a diary about how you felt and how much you wanted to connect with her. Power to the worriors. 4. He has a god complex where he thinks he is better than everyone else but he had managed to change his driving licence and other sources of ID to say that he is a doctor. They will never change. 12. Of course not, but instead of striving for the temporary joy of humiliating a narcissist, focus on the long term and how you can find peace. Theyll play the victim and make you out to be a villain in this toxic relationship. Its been haunting me for years. Narcissistic people can sometimes give themselves away over time when you keep communicating with them. When that happens, any of the following 9 things may happen: Denial. They were not the partner you fell in love with and now it seems that this narcissist is actively trying to destroy you. The narc is constantly in his head about what a bad person/mom I am. Do the diary because she will see you from a different light. As Maria was accompanying her mother to her door, her mother-in-law, who lived a few houses down and was trudging by, launched into a diatribe about her car not starting. In this article I will describe exactly what words hurt a Narcissist the most and what the best method is to get your ultimate revenge on them. My grandchildren are 9 and 7 and the mother excessively involves herself in every conceivable way. She baited me back to keep the fight going. Couples don't always carry the same #financial weight in a relationship. Need Peer Support? Getting revenge isn't going to work, you have to understand narcissism deeply. It seems to keep many people from moving on. It's that there is an inability to connect with them, or they say things that indicate they aren't . You'll see their true personality come out during stressful situations when things aren't going so smoothly. Nothing does. He gave me a std that cannot be cured. A narcissist wont let you have the final word though, they will almost certainly try to pull you back into the relationship. I dont recommend them. To a Narc, theyre more sensitive to the other person being happy Without them. Website - https://www.narcsurvivor.co.ukCoaching - coaching@narcsurvivor.co.ukMerchandise - https://teespring.com/stores/narcsurvivorDonations - https://payp. If you don't need to maintain contact with them, don't. Walk out of that door and never look back. Empathetic people often believe that if they offer vulnerability, it will be returned in kind. And it is so subtle that they will have a hard time getting back at you or possing as the victim. It wasnt always like this, he kind of changed about eight months after we started dating and a bit of that change can be blamed on me (I kinda withdrew from the relationship emotionally for a while). Additionally, you should never try to outshine a narcissist or make them feel inferior in any way, as this will only . By MOVING ON and doing us and being successful, the moment they find out (and they will find out because they haveflying monkeyswho will keep tabs on our lives) that will DESTROY THEIR WORLD and THEIR EGO. Its about not being under his control, and able to talk about what really happened. In fact, I wrote an article called 10+ Mental Illnesses Caused By Staying With A Narcissists. Also, the worst thing you can do with a narcissist is to try to make them feel guilty or sorry for their actions. It all sounds nice; Get over it, live your best live and ofcourse thats what you should do. They dance to the beat of their own fckd up "me,me,me" drum They seek admiration and power, and feel zero empathy. Thus the easiest way to enrage a narcissist is to take away their narcissistic supply. And thats exactly why I write too to get my control back. Early in the relationship, little did you know that you simply not doing what they wanted you to do whenever they wanted you to do it meant that you were likely already injuring them and didnt even know it. Every serious life coach and mental health professional who understands narcissists and treats survivors will tell you the same thing. Maybe you would feel some validation that they would finally understand the pain they caused and could relax knowing they couldnt cause you any more pain. Said a prayer for him. Narcissists hurt us so that we always have something to remember them by. How is it possible that we gave them everything and they can walk away as if it doesnt matter? Narcissistic people are like parasites. All of this is part of the revenge mission. If someone kicks you; kick back! Thank you for your blog.I worked with a narc, almost killed me. I did the same thing, Kristen. Can someone please tell me how to get my narcissistic husband to want to leave on his own? Yet he or she is not likely to even recognize this as revenge or a reaction to anything he or she did. After all, its not just that its revenge. There are other ways to get over it. Its the truth; words to live by. Hi. But the things he did and still does And the lies! And they get away with it while its a silent crime. Youre basically playing that jealousy card. I kept the moral high ground and left him to his own devices. The main reason is that shame could negatively impact his reputation and give him a lower status in his social circle. 4. Your ghosts follow you everywhere. In fact, your best life may include dating many people down the road, not just settling for one as soon as possible. It's not even the loss of treasured material possessionsthough they do feel a major blow when they face such a loss. They not only leave us with so little but leave so few people around them not even knowing or understanding what happened. So where has all of this come from? Create a support system. And yes, I think I will make an article about this. Quietly. They wont view it as revenge, but youll be giving them additional narcissistic supply. The worst thing you can ever have in your life. I know how much you want to get revenge. Basically you are saying there is absolutely NOTHING you can do but get over it. 6. The narcissist can use it to make you look crazy or to justify treating you poorly. That means my life is forever changed to the point I will never be able to kiss my grandkids or anyone else. If you're thinking about using the silent treatment, it's best to walk away from the narcissist and the relationship. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding. You cant find common ground or agree to disagree; they need to win. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and licensed therapist, wants anyone who is in a narcissistic relationship to stop saying one phrase: "You make me feel." It's a way of expressing yourself that . This sends a message that they are insignificant in your life and that you dont need them. 3. They gain narcissistic supply from you, even if its negative. Whether it's a child and an emotionally abusive parent, or an adult with a narcissistic partner , the effect is the same narcissistic abuse that can leave much more . Just knuckle under and accept the abuse? My ex is a narcissist. You can also subscribe without commenting. My caption was saying that he needed to stop hurting people, and his lives need to meet and I hoped that by doing this he would change and come clean and stop lying to everyone and his wife and start over. Therefore, if you want to take revenge, do this.