LW has a LOT of reason to be bugged by this approach to seeking a date it carries a hefty implied threat because of what abusive men in our society have built it into en masse. That's it, nothing extra. Ive been known to do that to friends, since Im one of those people who freaks out when I hit the wrong key and the computer does something unexpected. That takes some skill. If theyre just curious, they can say so, if they want to invite you to something, it gives them the chance, and if you feel like engaging further, you can. There is a normal-question-asking prosody, where the words get successively higher in pitch. It gives the impression that Id rather do nothing than spend time with you or help you with something (which may very well be true, but is often not a conversation worth having). The Gladys response is a strategy where all anyone will ever see is you beaming at Pushy Neighbor, talking in a hugely positive way at Pushy Neighbor, and so on, but youre still getting to tell Pushy Neighbor to back the fuck off. Why does it need taking care of?? Were no longer friends because she never wanted to make time to hang out with me; she just wanted free babysitting. Add me as another one for Why? or Why do you ask? Because Ive discovered the people who ask what Im doing are usually people who want to ask me to do something they know I wont want to do (usually. May suggest reversing the order of operations? I live in a face culture, so saving the face of the invitee who wants to turn your invitation down is very important. You can begin with, "I hope this email finds you well," which has the same meaning as "Hope you are doing well". BLah, I realized I didnt finish the thought, I suppose that before I started responding that way they thought I was sitting alone rocking back and forth in the dark.. The cousin wanting a servant. Sometimes your lover or friend may forget to send you a morning text. This is a different way of reacting to a social interaction. Work it like a weekend warrior! Its the pre-request that to me frequently feels almost manipulative or entrapping. Thats a great answer! If its as specific as Thursday, thats true, but I find when its a larger stretch like the weekend or the holidays its just as likely to be an attempt to get to know you and learn about your hobbies, interests, routine, etc, and find out if you have anything in common/have a life they find interesting/etc. It can be so hard to set boundaries with the inlaws! When I asked him later, What the heck? Im asking because you absolutely will pay for it in terms of impacts on the long-term relationship with the person she will become. 2. Message Example #6: ( Note: A long message like this example is a better fit for dating sites like Match, OkCupid or POF. @Helen Huntingdon, that is good to know, re feelings and setting off yellow flags. Whats shes for is waiting on and attending to others, and without an opportunity to do that, she must be sitting alone rocking back and forth in the dark. Published April 10, 2020 "How are you doing right now?" That's the question I've been defaulting to on the phone, over text, and over Zoom chats during this time of ballooning,. Its the best. And take LWs at their word, maybe? Detailing the event and a specific date is best. And the balls in their court if they were actually trying to set up something fun. Most people would rather talk about themselves than anyone else, so turning the question back to them will almost always divert them from further questions about what Im doing. Giving my notebook a bath. (And if you are Susie, forget about it!). We need to have lunch soon. Okay, then invite me, and dont hint for an invitation. So yeah, I feel that part too. Because shes a family member. Youre my first choice, but you are not my last hope., (3) So, I know this is a little awkward, but recently Ive realized I like you in a um well, in a romantic way, and I would love it if we could maybe go out on a date sometime and see how that goes? picked up a shift right off the bat. She got like that by working three times as hard as everyone else and being three times as smart as everyone else. It gives you a window into each others lives and invites you to share something about yourself. But if someone says what are you doing tomorrow night and I say painting my toenails in front of Netflix, that leaves me without a graceful out. I have only one person who does this, my widowed FIL, and it irritates me no end. You just reminded me of the ex-husband of a friend I used to know. You? and see if he gets stuck in a loop. I probably picked it up from my mom, who does the same thing. "Spend some time this weekend on home improvement. or are you busy?). Since LW was talking about very short-term questions, I certainly hope no one is asking because they need to tell the caterer! Its all the other situations I listed that bother me the ones where I dont always know the purpose of the question / true intent of the asker, or I suspect its to get me to do something. Usually people have to give me a straight answer after that. I am so devoted to nail care now that it takes me 27 hours to get my tips right! Then we give a quick heads up to each other in the event that the person asking (such as mother-in-laws) will then turn right around and call spouse. Why is receiving an invite considered such a stressor and its ok not to get back to the person. "It's happening.". I disagree concerning the Where are you from? part. I dont know what would do the most damage for NYCs daughter long-term, but I do know that no matter the form it ultimately takes, the preservation of parental lines of dominance into the adulthood of the child will do real damage long-term. I slept for twelve minutes while perching on top of my desk like a bird! Funnily enough, my co-workers are also doing laundry. It is perfectly ok to want some calm alone time or time with a cat watching Winter Olympics (that is actually great, our cats especially seem to love skiing) and no-one else really needs to know. If I have to treat her like a grownup, and not like my minor child that I can boss around, she can fucking treat ME like a grownup, and not like her mommy that she takes for granted. Sorry, Im busy. I would think that any event for which one needs to book a venue and/or hire a caterer would also be the sort of event to which one sends some sort of formal invitation, which is not really the case for the situations the LW describes. Ive learned a lot of strategies.). 3. Good to know! Im actually really surprised at how many people have expressed that they find this question neutral small talk and/or dont understand why it can feel so loaded. Oh, the usual, you? 2, They ask assuming Im also from somwhere else, prepared to bond over that and my answer is almost always a small dissapointment and Im never sure quite what to do with that. Nothing much? and Im like yup and get back to work.) Why do people ask? Then Ill say Whats up? or Whats going on then? or What did you have in mind?.
26+ Funny Responses to Being Asked on a Date (Replying Yes or No) I learned to say Ill see where the weekend takes me, which leaves me open to accept invitations if I want to or to decline to work on Sunday if I dont want to. Demanding person: Are you busy this weekend? Catching up on sleep, doing chores, spending time with my partner. I think theres a frustratingI dont know what to call it, but adding monetary transaction to a relationship doesnt always make it better. You are never going to stop hearing this question from relative strangers and new acquaintances, but I think with close friends or family, you should be able to say to them the next time, you know Im a pretty straightforward person; if you want to invite me to something you can just ask me directly. or some variation thereof. And then you get people who let it go there and people who keep fishing (where are your parents from? etc etc because they think its impolite to ask WHAT are you, but they really really want to know, so they know what stereotypes to assign you, as you said, or even because theyre just curious, like youre an object). Whatever hits them the hardest should work just fine. Why, whats up?, Yessss exactly. Which has been said in other comments and is important enough to say again. Are you busy? Or is there a better way to handle this? So she says no. I have trouble entertaining myself sometimes, I definitely dont want to try to entertain babies and pets. I, personally, like to ask what are you doing this weekend, something fun? when small-talking with my co-workers and friends, and I also hate this question with a passion when its a step to an actual invitation (two very different things!). I like your point that it does actually give people the outyouve put it in their minds that they can say Im busy., Its what I dothough I often try to say the thing first (Want to go to a movie? But for the LW when its potential datepeople, I do find that, Not sure yet why, do you have something fun in mind? has a pretty decent response rate. If you have a faaaaaaaamlyyyyyyyyyyyyyy culture where not providing free labor on demand for family makes you the jerk, lean in to it and accept the mantle of jerk; this frees you from ever needing to try to avoid that label in the future. Hence the claim some of your time, or even the if youre available as a way to say, you have to have solid plans if youre going to tell me no; you cant just say you dont want to do it.. Shell show up at your house again, or track you down partway to school. And then I would walk away thinking that was a really awkward conversation and wonder if that person didnt like me or was fishing for an invitation to something or what. Im much better at saying no now, and I realize that in most situations saying no is a perfectly socially acceptable answer. I think lots of people, especially women, are socialized to think that confidence is impolite, so they try to sound unassertive. Oh god then you might need to find less-jerky friends, probably. I moved out from my parents when I was 25. Now most parents dont really mean anything bad by this (theyre just used to being able to control their childs time and havent stopped to consider thats a rude way to treat an adult), so responding every time they try this with, Why, whats up? wont be a problem, followed by, that wont work for me if the invitation isnt something the adult child wants to do. Follow. after Ive made my piece clear. Ahhhh the family stuff. When I have no plans I tend to respond with some variant of Just chilling, and then if the person offers something that I want to do, I can decide its more fun than chilling, but if I dont want to do it, then its been a long week and I just really need that chill time, you know? I dont understand the point of the question. (Seriously? Catching up on sleep, doing chores, spending time with my partner. Here are some days you can disappointedly shake your head at and postpone the event until some hazy future date when a Wednesday sees you free.
I BET YOU WILL LAUGH - Funny videos - YouTube It is trickery and so frustrating. I was usually planning board game evenings and role playing games and I only tried to ask people whom I knew to be interested in what I was planning. The person is clearly saying something bigoted or 2. Maybe if the stress was a bit different? Theres an important underlying truth here that I think we all have trouble with: We are not required to answer every question put to us. It sounds like you find the second uncomfortable or have had bad experiences with people misusing it to manipulate you. I usually end up saying something noncommittal like I might be doing xyz, but Im not sure yet why? and waiting to see what the actual deal is. but I agreeparents of adult children (Hell, parents of NOT adult children) need to be more respectful of their childrens time and energy. Whenever people accept this answer, I know I am dealing with human beings who understand their goodness as a constant learning process. Its not even really pushback. I used to get caught by this question.
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