Never snort with a hangover! Harriette Winslow: Carl, out first table was next to the entrance where everybody was waiting to be seated. When I was born when the doctor slapped me, I SHOT him! Urkel, the camera was on Eddie the whole time. It meant a lot to me. Steven Quincy Urkel: Don't interrupt me! He's never used his! Steve Urkel: The woman's been flirting with me. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Cheating is wrong, Eddie, and you should know that. No, you're not invited. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [Stands up] Dad, I'm not implying. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Well it wasn't funny. Willie Fuffner: [sigh] That's different. Waldo: Fifteen and that's as high as I'm going. [Laura has stuffed her bra with Eddie's socks], Steve Urkel: [entering] Hi gang! No Traffic. There's no one I wanna say no to more than you. You think it's cool to come to a prty with a mini bar in your coat. But I have feelings, too. Carl: Of all the names that I have called you , the one that bothers you is butthead? Cassie Lynn: But, it's a lie! A heart that hurts. Laura: Wait a second. Carl Otis Winslow: Harriette, they applauded when we left. Harriette Winslow: Then clean it up, I'm still on strike. Laura: So do you Max, guess what, Steve rented us a limo. Steve Urkel: Loving you is like trying to touch a star. Harriette Winslow: I am not! [goes to the refrigerator] No root beer? Steve Urkel: Danger's my middle name! Wha? Eddie: No, grandma. Dont you know when you make a mistake, you fess up to it. Did you know an African American helped design the blueprint for Washington, D.C.? Gun, Carl. "Some people are ignorant, they're afraid, they hate anybody and anything that's different. How would you like it if I put Jheri Curl in your deodorant? That's not enough time for Rambo to blow anything up. The rest of the rules are covered in this contract. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Weasel, you are the last person who should be giving me advice about girls. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Yeah, I went to sleep and Stevil made a guest appearance. Look, Steve. I wish I'd never done it. [Notices no one is there anymore] Well, I thought it was a good story. [Urkel is playing Danny Boy on his Swiss Melody Chimes and Carl is furiously awaken by it. [Eddie sits down and Carl grabs his hair]. Family Matters is an American sitcom series that originated on ABC from September 22, 1989 to May 9, 1997, before moving to CBS from September 19, 1997 to July 17, 1998. Steve Urkel: All right! If there was one thing I thought the show could have brushed up on, it would be the premise of the episodes. I do not like 30 people hanging around my shoulder, saying "Hey Senora, can you eat a little faster?". Dr. Goodrich: Ms. Crawford, I am a medical doctor, not a carnival act! [Pulls Steve to other side of room] Steven, last semester I specifically asked you what class you would not be taking this semster and you told me HOME EC! Ty: No, he's Eddie's brother. Carl Otis Winslow: What did she have to say? Cassie Lynn: That may be what happened, but that won't be what the people believe. Daniel Wallace: Hey, man. Maybe abrasive is the wrong word. You think it's funny to spike somebody's punch and watch them act like a fool. Come here, let me give you some sugar. With Squeeze I'm not safe nowhere. Urkel defeats him]. Harriette Winslow: But, apparently, you seem to want to learn these things the hard way, so be it. Carl: [after kicking Steve out of the house] And don't you ever come back! I don't *ever* want to work for you again. 36 Steve Urkel ideas | steve urkel, humor, funny Steve Urkel 36 Pins 11y N Collection by Nadia Hussein Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Funny Quotes Chemistry Humor Nerd Humor Funny Charts When You Cant Sleep Lol Bahaha Clean Humor I Love To Laugh True Stories How To Fall Asleep Funny Jokes All the TIME!!!! Steve Urkel: I'll settle for a toenail clipping! Easy Eddo. Steve Urkel: But, I told you. Rachel Crawford: Little Richie spoke his first word. Steve Urkel: Oh no! Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Bye. Harriette Winslow: Before you stormed out of the house, I forgot to mention to you that I called OGD's Grandmother back in Detroit. Clean up your room Edward. Harriette Winslow: Carl, you snuck into my card box and gave me a card that I already have. Then there's in the summer, when we use him as a human bug zapper. I promised grandma I'd help her get ready. Harriette Winslow: What's the matter, not feeling well? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: All the way home, and the next day I cried all the way back to the library. We only have to make one quick delivery. Laura: Look, I owe you an apology. Laura: Science class. Verbs are our friends. [Steve comes out of the freezer at Rachel's Place shivering]. Laura: Well you're stubborn, irritating, loud, obnoxious, pushy, clumsy Steve Urkel: Hi everybody! Carl: Harriette, there is a car in the living room! I mean, I'm a fast runner, Eddie, but sooner or later, you just gotta stop running. The '90s series "Family Matters" may have been about the Chicago-based Winslow family, but the show's breakout character was actually Winslow neighbor Steve Urkel. Steve Urkel: I just called my uncle at the Pentagon. So, is it all right with you? [steps on the gas]. Harriette Winslow: Well, Eddie said something came up, but he promised he'd empty the trash tomorrow. If you have something to say, just spit it out. This isn't my grandmother. Eddie: No, Kyle's gone solo and Jerry went with him. Carl: Stefan, you gotta help me. Rachel Crawford: Good. Laura Lee Winslow: Yeah, that's right, how'd you know? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: I'll bet that's what the bug was thinking, too! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Uh no, Waldo, state your name. [after Carl comes out of the busted transformation chamber in an Urkel like fashion, due to Myra's tampering]. He's a very large man who should be here any minute now. Mondo do du chok! Carl Otis Winslow: Only 2 of them were his. Carl Otis Winslow: 150 extra people on what should've been a small family affair. Would you like that? Eddie: Man, I don't have time to study. steve urkel pick up linesaiken county sc register of deeds steve urkel pick up lines And, my God, look what you've done to Waldo. It was your free safety. Harriette Winslow: These flowers are not fresh. If you hit me, do I not sneeze? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Listen, Melissa may not be a cover girl. Waldo: Sure you have. Willie Fuffner: I'm gonna trash Urkel's locker! You see, I use verbs. He's a lawyer! You are under arrest! Harriette Winslow: Carl, I save every card you give me. Steve Urkel: And I'm Steve Urkel! College Problems Student Problems Laura: This is just a model, right? Finally, one rainy day, I walked in dripping wet, and that same man that pushed me out, shook his head and gave me a library card. Why, a few sessions on the Muscle Master and you'll be drooling over my deltoids. Rachel Crawford: [to Harriette] He's not gonna make him quack. Sure, it may cover your hiney, but if you make a habit of it, you've got a serious problem. Right now you have over a 100 crazed teenagers in your backyard ready to boogie. But our little town only had ONE library, and it was for whites only. Steve Urkel: [while Laura and Maxine hit Steve with two Boston Cream Pies] No, AAH!, WAAAH! Ms. Steuben: That's that's not funny, Steven. Laura Lee Winslow: No, it really bugs me that Steve is the only guy with enough guts to stand up to Willie. Laura: Steve, did you eat that moldy cheese? Carl: This baby has a remote. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Oh, no buts! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: The Snooze Juice. Stefan Urkelle: Go home, go home, GO HOME! I may get F's, but, by God, I earn them! 11 days ago. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [after pulling his underpants out of his jeans] Sir, would you do me the honor of autographing my boxer shorts? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: DAN DRUFF? Suppose I made it happen. Steve Urkel: I have a lot of personal experience in first aid. I'm wearing a Bart Simpson's mug. He couldn't cover his head with his hat. I'm being born! A few minutes ago, I just saw Laura and I fanted. Waldo: [after thinking a moment] Ok. Steve Urkel: Whoa. Laura Lee Winslow: No! You dumped one of my relatives in a Hefty bag. I can teach you how to cook. Steve Urkel: To keep the camera on him and forget all the other meatheads. Waldo: I got close once. [Willie grabs Waldo and takes him with the cops who arrested them], [Steve has humiliated Willie at the party that he grabs a small glass of Vodka and pours it into Urkel's cup]. Laura Lee Winslow: I know, but he said 'get lost, Laura'. Carl Otis Winslow: Well is she still crying? Judy Winslow: Who wants to read about cheese? [Carl steps in the chamber and Stefan starts it up]. Laura: Dad, you're exacerbating the situation instead of ameliorating it. Steve Urkel: Oh yeah, just last week, she actually telephoned me in the middle of the night. [Waldo nods as Eddie goes to the last one]. Rachel Crawford: Maybe you could come back when your voice has changed. Carl: Who are you and what have you done with our son? I'll tell you something else, Allison, I may not be the most trendy guy on campus, or the best looking and I'm CERTAINLY not the most coordinated. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Ok dad. Harriette Winslow: Abrasive? The truth is you deserve a kiss. Waldo: Thanks for helping me find the gym. Steve Urkel: Don't feel bad. Harriette Winslow: Mr. Niedermeyer, the only thing that's gonna go by is you. Well it's not cool. Steven Quincy Urkel: Gee, I don't know, the speedometer only goes to thirty. Eddie: I meant, I haven't seen her today. Harriette Winslow: [Rachel carries on about how sad it is Aunt Clotilda died] She was 94 years old. Stupid? Laura Lee Winslow: I don't know, and quite frankly, I'm tired of thinking about it. Halawna, Oneisha: [pop up in the car Clarence stole] Surprise! Rachel Crawford: I'm what? You gotta fix that machineeeee. [the car breaks down. [takes note and crumbles it, Laura slams locker door, revealing the word 'N*gger' spray painted on it]. Carl will understand. They misspelled three words. [Carl is appalled as he has a donut in his mouth], [Carl has just bought Harriette an exercise trampoline for her birthday. Steve Urkel: Okay. Rachel Crawford: The balcony scene is next. Myra Monkhouse: Mr.Winslow, I am very sorry. [Puts his jacket on and heads to the Door], Waldo Geraldo Faldo: I may get F's, but, by God, I earn them! Steve Urkel: [as Waldo hands Steve a cup of the spiked punch] Why should I Laura, I'm the pife of the larty! Steve Urkel: Well, the earth didn't exactly move for me either! Alright. [Laura walks in the door dressed up in a stereotypical nerd fashion. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Stephan] Laura Winslow, you are the sun, the rain, and the wind that flowers my soul. Carl Otis Winslow: How about if I convince Laura to go out on a date with you. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well of course it's a Greek party, it's a sorority! [Comes in the lving room with Mother Winslow as Eddie is taking his frustrations out on his sack of dirty laundry because Carl has just taken Waldo to the Chicago Bulls game instead of him]. Myrtle Urkel: Frankly my dear, I just don't give a damn. Where do I sign? Laura Lee Winslow: [pushes some things aside] I can't pitch in right now. Chocum hi chip chok!". All kids 7 and up go to Eddie's room and play Nintendo. Rachel Crawford: Thanks Steve. Carl Otis Winslow: Yep, Benjamin Banneker. Harriette Winslow: You have to understand, back in Detroit where he's from, the police are considered the enemy, so he doesn't trust them. During the class picture, you don't have to sit with the girls in the front row and hold up the class. Steve Urkel: Ready, my sweet? Harriette Winslow: You can't blame them for walking, Eddie. Could you write that 'A' down on a piece of paper? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What's wrong? And then there was the time we went camping and we were in dyer need of a generator and we just plugged the toaster into Uncle Elijah and the Pop Tarts were flying. Every time I ask her about it, she just cries and takes another Rolaid. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Why? Overall, Steve's good intentions trump his flaws and give the audience a plethora of laughs every time he comes onscreen and says, "Did I do that?" Without Steve Urkel, Family Matters would have been overlooked as just another TGIF Friday night comedy show. [Waldo has just given Eddie a list of IOU at Mighty Weenie]. He breaks something a beaker along the way]. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: The librarian, a white man that I'd known all my life, pushed me out into the street and told me never to come back. I only got the date wrong on one flyer. Carl: Harriette, there is a car in the living room. Steve Urkel: Well, it starts out with a little cough. Steve Urkel: Oh, well, no problem-o. I wanna read it to my mom. Carl Otis Winslow: Well sweetheart, if you feel that strongly about it, maybe you should do something about it. "Take out the trash, Edward." Steve Urkel: I had my first allergy attack when I was nine. But I recognized him right away. Harriette: [still unsympathetic towards Eddie's selfishess] Fair? Rachel Crawford: Sort of an Urkel Exchange Program? Estelle Winslow: Carl! Waldo Geraldo Faldo: I'm missing the parade. And I'm sorry. Carl Otis Winslow: Alright Harriette, you were a liiiiiiiittle abrasive tonight. Carl Otis Winslow: That's wonderful, son. Harriette Winslow: [pulls up a chair] Sit down, Carl. Harriette Winslow: Carl I am not a weak, wimpy woman whose afraida to speak her mind. Laura: [running in] Guess what? Alexandre Dumas was black. Carl Otis Winslow: Laura, what's going on in here? Waldo: We rented us a limo station wagon. Laura Lee Winslow: How fast are we going now? You're taking me out for dinner at Chez Josephine's. The hot chocolate will be ready soon. Lt. Murtaugh: Keep the pace, Mr. Backwards Hat! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wrong, cummerbund breath. That's all. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What's your aunt's name, who'd want to kill her, and who do you like in the World Series? Carl Otis Winslow: [after picking up Eddie who was arrested for gambling] Edward, stop looking around for Steve, he's at his own home having this same conversation with his parents. Larry Csonka: Yes, spread the word. Steve Urkel: No, I don't like to disturb anyone. Laura: Yeah, every time I used the bug spray. What's for dinner, milk and cookies? Hey Steve, would you like a breast? I felt like I was one with the Bee-Oh-Sphere. Carl Otis Winslow: Yeah. Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [not knowing Steve and Laura saw each other naked] All right, chicken. Because, I already told him I do remember him. But you'll never play in this game again. Would you like that? Steve Urkel: [runs back into the living room] Sorry Rachel! Rodney Beckett: I'm Rodney, but my friends call me Rod-meister. Harriette Winslow: Laura, did somebody do something to you? These kids are gonna ruin everything, they have to go. Steve Urkel: You mean, you want to kiss me? So long! Carl Otis Winslow: But, apparently you seem want to learn it the hard way, well so be it. Don't mess with Mrs.Bonecrusher! It's not fair. Rachel Crawford: Harriette, we've got to talk. Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. Harriette Winslow: You hit my husband again and you'll have to answer to me. Harriette Winslow: And you think I'm FAT? You're a fine man.You'll be spending the month of May in your room, but you're a fine young man. I kept quiet last week and I haven't say anything tonight. Laura Lee Winslow: Fun? You know that in Kenya, "Urkel" means "a benign cyst on the foreleg of a wildebeest"? Harriette: Well, tell him you don't remember him. Harriette Winslow: Harsh? Steven Quincy Urkel: Well, then where am I gonna sleep? None of this is your fault. [He leaves and minutes later Urkel is playing Danny Boy on his accordion]. I want more Punch! Snap, Sidekick: [with the Serpents] All the doo-dah day. Carl Otis Winslow: Now honey, it's really ok Harriette Winslow: No it's not ok, Carl. Then, you broke my car, and it cost me every cent I got to fix it and rent this "delightful" room here at the "Fleabag Inn". I met Raoul. Harriette Winslow: Mother Winslow, take all the toddlers up to your room. It was right in your favorite spot. Robbins: Hey everyone, Laura Winslow's date is Steve Urkel. He's usually knee deep in dead mosquitoes. Steve Urkel: Edo, cheating is like wearing your grandmother's underpants. That one friend who says going to gym will solve everything. Harriette Winslow: [retrieves a coupon from her purse] Ohhh no no no, Carl! Carl Otis Winslow: Edward Arthur Winslow, son I'm ashamed of you. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Hey dad. But Waldo messed up and put the wrong date on the flyers. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [nervous laughter] Great Wedding, huh dad. That's the last time I do anything for anybody in this house. I'm wearing a Bart Simpson's mug. Due to the Urkel character's off-putting characteristics and the way he would stir up events and underscore the plot or even move . You know uh, Laura doesn't have a date for the prom either. [laughs] Bye! Laura: Sure. He left the minute we put a warrant up for his arrest. Carl Otis Winslow: It's full, Harriet! Carl Otis Winslow: No. I feel stupid! Steve Urkel: Oh, please, Laura. Laura Lee Winslow: He didn't need to. Especially this one, since Urkel breaks the fourth wall at the end. 89. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Waldo come to the Witness Stand. Steve Urkel: [on the stage of the strip club] Stop the music! You're standing on my finger! See more ideas about steve urkel, humor, urkel. right next to the bathroom. You refuse to go out with me for the last decade! Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh, no thanks, I went before I left. But you know what, I find her very attractive. Carl Otis Winslow: You look horrible. Laura: I was thinking about taking a home economics class so I can learn how to cook. Carl Otis Winslow: [packing up the camping gear] Boy that was great, a family weekend in the wilderness. I-I-I see. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You won't be sorry, sir. I'm in big trouble! Steve Urkel: Did I mention my dad knows Wayne Newton? Carl: I sure hope so because I'm wearing his underwear. Cop: It's also against the law. Steve Urkel: Oh, I'd better lock it then! Now, I may have taken a sip of my mom's coffee, but I Chain: I'm talkin' about the other kind of wired! Steve Urkel: I can't! 12. r/Unexpected. I was not abrasive. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: [cracks a laugh but tries to stop] It's so sad. Carl Otis Winslow: Yeah, well. Carl's first word was Donut. Carl: I am not. Carl: Rachel, Carl was my great grandfather's name and there is no way that I'm gonna change it. I mean the guy's a feeb. Steve Urkel: No, but it was moving kinda fast. Laura: Urkel, don't your parents feed you? Undaunted, Steve switches the station to polka music and ends up having a good time dancing with Waldo and Maxine], Carl: By the way, thanks for letting me use your chamber, Stefan. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well why don't you take the guy's next door? All these people think the party is tonight. He did for suspenders in the 1990s what Robin Williams' Mork from "Ork" did in the 1980s - he made them cool. Can you believe that? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Every day for 6 months. Eddie Winslow, front and center! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [seeing what Laura looks like without sleep] You remind me of a movie star. It is always tomorrow with that boy. Allison: Look, we're just having a little harmless fun. Kanye West name-dropped "Family Matters" star Steve Urkel on his My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy track, "Dark Fantasy." However, Ye originally thought a similar line rapped by T-Pain was "corny," the "Buy U A Drank" singer claims.. As reported by HipHopDX on Tuesday (Sept. 7), T-Pain says Ye stole the concept for the Urkel-referencing line after hearing a similar lyric on his . Carl: [Urkel Voice] In the meantime, I have to break the news to Harriette. A bee to a blossom. Laura Lee Winslow: Well that really bugs me. That's one for the books! Why, I guarantee you he has studied the best! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wait just a minute here, Mr.McClure. You have a lot of qualitites girls really go for. Steve Urkel: You know what, Laura? Carl Otis Winslow: Oh nothing, never mind! It's a "non-date". Laura Lee Winslow: No, I think we learned that Steve's experiments has gone too far. I can't live like this. Cop: [Searching Willie and Waldo] Ok, where did you hide the booze? Laura Lee Winslow: [as Laura Wigglesworth, pointing a gun at Johnny] The narration to finish! Laura Lee Winslow: [crying] Steve why do you always say things like that? Harriette: At my table, you eat them. It can't explode or anything? I'm getting penalized because I'm emotionally stable! Dexter Thornhill: [after being found guilty at Urkel's trial] Darn you Urkel, Darn you to Heck! Carl Otis Winslow: Well there's no rush. I can't think of a single reason not to do this every week. Well let me tell you something sir, if that's the kind of boss you are. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Who would've thought Harriette was a bit friendly. They help move along our sentences. Introducing yourself to someone new is always scary, whether you're on an app or in person, since the possibility of rejection is part of the deal. Laura: How long have we known each other? Myrtle Urkel: Oh, how true, how true! Steve Urkel: Carl, I brought the notes to go over with Laura. Steve Urkel: [sobbing] No, it's Myra, her cold got worse. Yesterday he said 'get lost, Fido Face!' Sorry. "Tomorrow, Dad!" When the door opens Carl appears dessed up as Steve normally dresses with his glasses]. Steve, what happened? Steve Urkel: King me. Rachel Crawford: She keeled over leading a game of Simon says! Carl: Maybe I should laugh a little bit more, huh? Eddo. Stefan Urkelle: Good lord, you're a nerd. That's Lt. Murtaugh. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: As long as you're up, bring me a piece. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [after Steve, Eddie & Waldo sang 'My Girl'] Don't we remind you of The Temptations? Harriette, THERE IS A CAR IN THE LIVING ROOM! "Smile, if you want to have sex with me." 4. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Big Guy, what are you up? My doctor slapped the wrong end. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: I'm flat broke, dad. Judy Winslow: Boring. [sees the kids] Oh my Lord! Ms. Steuben: All right, class. Here's What Steve Urkel Looks Like Today. We'll start with a common Korean phrase. Why, because of you, he's swapping recipes with Wolfgang Puck. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Fletcher has a bigger family then we thought. Harriette Winslow: And you meant every word 8 years ago. Anybody have more punch? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Caterer trainees. . Could you write that A down on a piece of paper? Grab a blanket and go sleep in the bathtub. I offered you my heart and you stomped that sucker flat! Steve Urkel: No, well, actually it's my Uncle Ernie's hearse. Steve Urkel: You yelled at me and you called me a butthead! He acts like a gangster, gangsters hate cops. Besides it's just a joy ride what could go wrong? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [shocked] And he brought hooters! Steve Urkel: You teach us more than just things out of a textbook. [He leaves the house]. Carl, Eddie: [after Carl gets shocked from the electrical current] STEVE!
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